I am too gay to function.
I strongly believe in intersectional feminism. capitalism is a plague. the environment is dying. I am blogging my problems away.
Also mental health is essential
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She is nearly 70 years old, with wonderfully brown gnarled, wrinkled hands and eyes that are creased from smiling. She hand-makes all of her own clothes and sews dolls for my little sister. Abuela is very lonely… her husband already passed and her kids live far away. She misses her grandkids. Abuela comes around our place for the company almost every other day.
So this morning, my little sister and I went to visit the Abuela to return the kindness of her vegetables with some homemade soup.
It’s a funny joke we have, that if you can make a perfect posole you are wife material. I was joking around with my friend beforehand to see if I was worthy of marriage, and my little sister thinks me failing is the best thing in life, so of course she wants to ask Abuela when we arrive.
We’re wearing masks and gloves and can’t give her the big hug like we want to, but Abuela is always happy to see us. We bring the pot of soup to her table. My little sis, the little shit that she is, immediately asks, “Abuela, is Reina ready to be a wife yet?”
And Abuela immediately shifts her entire mood. Her face literally becomes this:
Abuela’s look pierces through my heart.
“Who are you trying to impress? A man or a woman?” she asks, deadly serious. We have broached the topic of marriage. It is her domain now.
And I, Rei, gay as the fourth of July, cannot believe that either Abuela clocked me instantly or that she could possibly have a fascinating past of her own.
I thought about lying, but my little sister was there and I don’t like to lie in front of her. So I was honest and said I was trying to impress a woman.
Without a response, Abuela carefully tries the posole. The room is silent.
“For a man, it’s good,” she says after a moment. “But, you’ll need to work harder to impress a woman.”
All I can do is politely nod. I have so many questions.
Now Abuela is tired. She wants to eat and relax in peace, so she waves us away. We make sure she’s settled, and then my sister and I go home.
I can’t believe my 70 year old Abuela said BI RIGHTS
this is the funniest fucking thing ever
not only did the grandma say bi rights but like
she had two separate scales of food judgement for men and women AT THE READY and there’s something inherently hilarious in “FOR MEN IT’S FINE, FOR WOMEN DO BETTER”
If your child is in the middle of some activity and clearly enjoying it (and wasn’t supposed to be doing something else instead), DO NOT interrupt them and have them do chores that will “only take 5 minutes or so!”
You haven’t asked them to do anything before they got out the Legos, started reading a chapter of their book or painting the complicated picture, or began playing their video game.
As a result of being repeatedly interrupted, they will learn that their presence in public space of the household=availability to do chores, so they will make themselves scarce so you can’t find them and order them around. They will also become suspicious of your efforts to engage with them as they play, as they’ve learned that these pleasantries are a prelude to “Take out the trash”, or “move your boots and vacuum the entryway, there’s dirt everywhere ”.
“But I need my children to help me around the house!”, I hear you cry. I understand. Children should not be treated like royalty and left to their own devices 24/7.
An alternative is to give the kids a clearly delineated chore chart and stick to it, resisting the urge to add anything to it. There are some chores that are easier and quicker with two people, though. A (in my opinion) even better option is to divide the child’s day into “on-duty” and “off-duty ” time. When they’re on-duty, you can interrupt them as before, but you have *consulted with your child beforehand * and they understand that during this time they can relax, but they must be ready to jump in and lend a hand.
That way they won’t start trying to level up in their video game or break out the clay and make stuff. When they are off-duty, you leave them alone and their only responsibilities are to clean up whatever mess they make at the end of this time.
Also, if they are tearing around the house or whining about being bored, don’t make them do chores so they will “have something to do”; this could make the child conflate extra chores with punishment for whining and make them reluctant to help out when you randomly tell them to at other times because they might think they’re being punished but they have NO IDEA WHAT THEY DID. And IMO children should see chores as things everyone has to do no matter what, not punishments.
I may seem unqualified to offer parenting advice as I have no kids, but I was talking with my dad today and he said: “I wish you didn’t hide from us in your room so much, but every time your mom walked by she’d give you a chore to do, so I can’t blame you for that.” A kid who hides in their room to play has an entirely different relationship to the family than the child who sprawls on the livingroom floor and excitedly describes the city they are building out of Legos.
And today, in times of Covid I play a complicated game of hide-and-seek with my mother as I try to do my online coding homework and apply for jobs. I am now attempting to turn my bedroom into my own tiny office because if I work in our home office, she’ll find me and go “I can’t attach this file to my email,” and so on.
Children *have* to obey their parents when they are young. But true respect and honoring collective responsibilities is stronger than forced obedience. If you demonstrate to your children that you respect them and their time, they will reciprocate.
Tl;dr if your child is “always hiding in their room”, there is a reason for it and setting a regular routine and boundaries will benefit both of you in the long run.
MFW I realize I still hide in my room because I’m still yelled at whenever I’m seen enjoying anything
suddenly remembered this poem as i was making breakfast this morning & frantically googled “poem remembered to buy eggs?????????” & somehow managed to find it & it utterly knocked the wind out of me just as much as when i first read it
Maturity is realising that other people are not mind readers, even those who love you. It’s on you to reach out, talk about how you feel, and to explain yourself. Everybody is busy living their own lives and is caught up in their own issues & problems, amidst all that you can’t expect them to magically be in tune with your every need and emotion. Communicate.
Recently, I’ve learned not to interrupt when people tell me what they’re going through. If we’re in person, I wait until they’re finished talking. If we’re texting, I don’t start typing until they stop. I don’t rush to compare my experience to theirs, even if they’re similar. I don’t offer unsolicited advice. I’m practicing listening to understand, not to respond. Sometimes people just need someone to listen. Even if your intentions are good, give them that time and space.
I am completely behind this altho I’d like to add that it’s very common for people with ADHD to interrupt and show empathy by telling how we relate to what the person says. It can be interpreted as rude but the truth is we do mean the best.
Also not everyone works the same way and I for one prefer getting reaction instead of making a huge speech and feeling like I’m sharing too much or bothering the person I’m talking too if they don’t say anything for too long.
Not saying you’re wrong, just saying it’s important to respect everyone’s way to empathize with people
it’s never too late!!!!!!! to text them back. to drink enough water today. to get into a skincare routine. to learn the piano or how to paint!! to learn winged eyeliner. to tell them how u feel. to start getting fitter. to get changed or brush your teeth or shower today. to read that book or watch that show everyone was talking about years ago. to turn an acquaintance into a friend. if u don’t start somewhere u won’t go anywhere at all.
Heard some important information on Twitter today, and thought I’d post it here for anyone who may not have heard it. This is actually a thing, devised by human rights organisation called Karma Nirvana.
Reblog to save a life?
Reblog to save a life.
Sharing because it’s actually a verified and sourced thing and not one of those dumbass fake tip posts.
me: i like this thing! my brain: excellent, it’s your reason to live now. you won’t be able to think about anything else for a few days, weeks or even months. talking about virtually anything else will be a nightmare, but so will be talking about The Thing, because no one shares your level of enthusiasm. have fun!
Fuck anyone who says I have to forgive everyone, “for my sake.” I worked hard for this anger. I worked hard to love myself enough to hate them.
Shit, yeah, this is a thing that is hard to articulate. Some people don’t feel healed by forgiving the people who hurt them, because that’s what they kept doing over and over and it only led to getting more hurt. Sometimes you feel healed when you’re finally brave enough to say “This person was horrible to me, and I did not deserve that treatment, and I don’t have to be okay with it.”
it’s okay to cancel plans. it’s okay to impersonate your genetical identical after you saw her die. it’s okay to fall in love with the french woman monitoring you. it’s okay to ignore your neighbor getting strangled to death by her scarf in a garbage compactor. it’s okay to stab your clone in the eye. it’s okay to expose an international conspiracy. whatever you need to do to cope.
